It's the End of "This" Marriage

John Gottman, psychologist and author, says he can predict with 92% accuracy whether or not a couple will end up in divorce after observing their conversation for as little as five minutes. He claims to be able to do this through scientific and well-documented case studies of over 900 couples over a period of 22 years.

So, I used Dr. Gottman's relationship survey to asses the situation of my own marriage. After answering all the questions as honestly as I could, it can be determined that this is the end of this marriage. "Divorce is just a matter of time..." when one or both people disengage emotionally from the marriage. These are the four indications of emotional disengagement:

1. You see your marital problems as "severe." (check)
2. Talking things over seems useless. You try to solve problems on your own. (check)
3. You start leading parallel lives. (check)
4. Loneliness has set in. (check)

So, I've come to this harsh realization and am rolling back and forth between feelings of ambivalence to feelings of profound sadness to feelings of excited anticipation. I'm sad for the life I thought I had. I miss the sexy, mysterious man that turned my world upside down. I yearn for that closeness that we once had. I'm also ambivalent. I recall the betrayals, the belligerence, and the contempt he has shown and I just shrug. So, it's come to this? Yeah, well, then we all must move on.

Then I'm sometimes hit with a twang of nervous tummy butterflies imagining what wonderful, exciting life awaits at the end of this journey. Will my marriage to this man be saved and our relationship invigorated? That would be wonderful. Will we eventually separate, then divorce and I tumble into the arms of the next great love adventure in my life? That would be wonderful too. Honestly, this pendulum of emotions are exhausting!

I do acknowledge that with the current state of our union, this marriage is on its last legs. The last 2 years, and the latest betrayal has left us both emotionally disengaged from each other. We have abandoned the fight instinct and are now in mid-flight from the pain. So, it is the end of this marriage. I will properly mourn it.

As of this post, the butterflies are dancing in my belly. I'm sure I'll be somewhere else in a few minutes, but for now, I shall enjoy this.